Sometimes, when inexplicable, terrible situations happen, you wonder if it is possible to actually 'calculate' what will happen in order for the situation to NOT occur later on. Titan and I were walking to her house and she told me how she hates the song 'As Long As You Love Me' by Backstreet Boys but she still sings it. She hates song because of the lyrics, how nonsense they sounded. 'Who you are, where you're from' - she thinks that it's wrong to not care about the background of your lover. She said she wouldn't go out with someone that had a criminal record or was mentally unstable. Of course, I'd agree with her on that point, but I think sometimes these things can't be stopped. Sometimes, if you're really are in love you can't stop yourself loving who you love. Titan, on the other hand, believes that if you can calculate and plan all these things out you'll live life better. It may be true to some extent but I think life is too temperamental to actually know what will actually happen.
She thinks that life is full of shades. I believe so too. She believes that there are more dark shades than white. I disagree. I believe in ying and yang. I believe that there are as much black and there are white. White may be rare to find, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I said if she met the whole world yet. We're just too young to be resolute about something. She said she hasn't but she knows it's like. She called me immature. You know, when we call each other immature before we all agreed and went being silly about it. However, as we slowly sink into seniorhood, being immature can be quite distant, maybe even insulting at times. I may be immature at times, but coming from someone who was almost just as immature as me? Even worse. I mean, we were just asking about our opinions and she called me immature for my thoughts? I did not call her immature about what she was thinking about it. Jerry called me immature. It might've hurt, but I accepted it because he was older than me. He knows more than me. Immature. HA! I laugh at the face of immaturity. Not.
What about second chances? You don't know how much a second chance can mean to a person in need of it. The most precious and amazing things about second chances are that not many can give them, even though they say they can, and giving them to people who didn't realise how much they need it and that how much it can change their lives. It's true. Life is becoming shadier, and in darker side too.
Sometimes, people will know you. They'll use you, and leave you, like what you'll do to them. In the end, you'll just have very few true friends. This was what my chemistry teacher told me. Mrs. Rogers. I confided in her the other day. All the stress, all my depression, all my woes, all my issues. In the end, I realised I might not be over it. All this time, I thought I was, when I actually wasn't. Back to square one. You don't really know who you're friends really are now. All this insecurity, it seems to build up more and more and I have no idea how to reduce it. People ask me why all this insecurity, I don't really know myself. I don't really know who to talk to anymore. They just seem to bolt up their emotions towards me instead. Been there, done that - twice. They think I have a problem. Well guess what, I DO BUDDY. I DAMN DO! Want to fix that? Then fix me then, because I sure do need a knight in shinning armor right now. But I know, by the end of the day, there won't be anyone. And I'll be left outside, in the cold, again. I'm tired. Really tired. Physically. Mentally. I'm practically forcing myself to be cheery, go with the flow, out-of-this-world happy just to stable my emotions. I'm going to explode one day - and I have no idea when.
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